Earlier this morning as I was scrolling through Facebook, I came across a post that said something to the effect that the problem with “Everything happens for a reason,” is waiting for the reason! I guess there is some comfort in thinking that everything does happen for a reason, but many of us have had painful experiences, and have never figured out the “reason.”
I was thinking of this when I visited a good friend this afternoon. Recently, she had a six- inch malignant tumor removed from her abdomen. She is one of the most spiritually minded people I know and, when first diagnosed, found herself asking the “Why?” question. You see, several years ago her husband received a similar diagnosis … and now her! Why?
She is an RN and believes in the mind-body connection and wanted to know what more there might be that she needed to learn, because she wanted to change her experience from “cancerous” to “healthful.”
After investing time and energy with this process, all she could come up with was “S*#t Happens!” That wasn’t very satisfying, nor did it address the underlying spiritual issue; this was an explanation that is more “worldly.”
As we continued our conversation, we acknowledged that, getting an answer to the “Why?” question can be helpful, and sometimes that answer seems very illusive. In the meantime, a more productive question is “What is the lesson?” What is there to learn in this situation? When we have painful and unpleasant experiences, looking for what we can learn can be powerful and transformative … and, we don’t have to wait for the answer to appear, we can begin playing with possibilities now.
We have an Inner Magnificence and it wants only good for us. It is like an internal GPS that is programmed for a life of JOY. Every experience we have contains a lesson … and the lessons come in two categories: either the lesson is always about some change we need to make in our thinking or change in behavior that will move us in the direction of a more joy filled life. The painful lessons can be a wake-up call to change our beliefs or habits … to add new ones or get rid of old ones.
In my counseling practice, I tell my clients that we can spend our time and energy trying to figure out WHY they are the way they are – which can make for an interesting story – OR we can put the same effort into developing a plan to move forward in creating a life that is ultimately more joyful and satisfying. I call this the difference between interesting and important. What is always important is our next step, our next thought, our next decision.
As we go through “painful” experiences, instead of asking, “Why?” which can easily turn into a victim mentality, as in “Why me?” and we may never get an answer OR we can ask “What’s the lesson?” … a question that contains a helpful and constructive answer.
So, here’s my invitation: As you go through your day, pay attention to the lessons; pay attention to your Inner Magnificence. When something brings you joy, find ways of doing more of it. When something stirs up pain and fear, play with ideas about what you could change – either in terms of behavior or thoughts – to move you in the direction of a joyful life.
The extent to which you do is the extent to which you’ll be able to say, “I feel good about being me!” … and that’s a promise!
Image Credit: Cancer by Nick Youngson CC BY-SA 3.0 Alpha Stock Images
